Defined by the One Who Designed You
Disclaimer: Nothing in this blog post is intended to be considered medical or mental health advice or treatment. It’s written from the perspective of the author’s lived experience and reflects personal views expressed with the intent to encourage and share hope.
Have you ever opened up your heart and shared a beautiful treasure made with love and care, only to find some have such deeply ingrained biases or hurts that perhaps they could not appreciate it coming from you?
Or perhaps you posted a tutorial online or shared with family friends, and there was someone who loudly scoffed and treated it as though it were not a worthwhile thing for you to do?
It can be disheartening–especially when you’re finding out for the first time how that person really feels or how they are willing to speak of you in front of others. It can make you feel like you’re in fourth grade all over again with the mean girls or the rude guys.
This post is not really about their “why” but about our “what.”
One of my favorite lyrics in a song years ago came straight from the Bible, and I think it applies here too: “Forgive them, Father. For they know not what they do.”(See Luke 23:34).
Because people often do attach their own labels to our choices and mentally keep us filed away in a category they created. They may unfurl hurtful accusations or definitions of us.
“You make jewelry/write stories/volunteer/et cetera because XYZ.”
“Don’t you know that no one wants to see or hear from you unless you are XYZ?”
“You only want to do your best because you are trying to impress someone.”
Words like that can rattle around in your head if you let them. These lies can create a tired pause before you do the very things that matter to you. They can make you second-guess your motives, growth, timing, and the skills God has given you even when you know what you have accomplished in the past. But you do not have to let someone else’s opinion become your worry.
You can say “no” to those labels because of the “yes” you have already said to God.
Saying no to the wrong labels
Sometimes the wisest response is not to argue, defend, explain, or exhaust yourself trying to be understood by someone who has already decided what they want to believe.
Sometimes the wisest response is to quietly say no.
No:
I will not take on someone else’s opinions and feelings as worries about myself when I know who I am and why I am doing what I do.
I will not doubt myself or the skills God has given me.
I have a reason to be where I am right now, and unfortunately, not everyone will like it.
I am well-made for the purpose God has for my life, and I will be equipped in every way that is needed for it.
I do not need to be anything more than what I really am, and I do not need to second-guess what God is helping me build.
I live for an audience of One—God—and I also have to walk with myself all day. At the end of the day, I go to sleep knowing what I have done and what is not done yet. I wake up ready to keep going, regardless of what other people say or think about me being the one who is doing it.
Like I say all the time: we are defined by the One Who designed us.
Caring about people without living for approval
This does not mean we do not care about people anymore and now we will start to be rude right back.
It does not mean we do not want to do good, love well, serve faithfully, or make a good impression where it matters, and that we must stop because others don’t want us to be there or do that.
How we live matters.
How we treat people matters.
Our character matters.
But caring about people is not the same thing as needing every person’s approval.
If we wait for the approval of every person who jeers, criticizes, misunderstands, or expresses fear, we may end up staying home watching reruns all day. We may give up on something worthwhile simply because someone who is not as vested in our lives as we are has taken a liking to offering rude comments whenever we are around, and we find it inconvenient to keep showing up around them. Well…
God knows what that guy or gal in the back keeps saying and doing, what s/he tries to normalize. God also knows his or her needs and the reasons why s/he mistreats us, so we can leave our concern with God and keep our focus where it belongs.
The apostle Paul exhorted us in Galatians 1:10 (NKJV): “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”
Selah.
When people misread your motives
Sometimes when people disapprove of you being who God made you to be, it is because they personally would not do what you are doing if they were in your shoes.
They may be afraid, think you are doing it for the wrong reasons, or assume you will get hurt because they cannot imagine another outcome. They may label your courage as attention-seeking because they have not yet learned how to recognize obedience, healing, growth, or faith in motion when it comes from those who are being used to confound the wise. Their reasons quite often have nothing to do with you—people may oppose you for reasons that are God’s business to address while you go about your own business.
And that is important to remember.
Not every comment deserves your energy.
Not every accusation requires your defense.
Not every misunderstanding needs a full explanation.
When we entrust God with what pains us, chips away at us, or tempts us to prove ourselves, the outcome is much better than trying to manage everyone’s perception.
God knows the truth. Nothing escapes His notice. He knows how to bring the right things into the light at the right time, and at times, He may extend mercy and inspire them to change. So stay forgiving and unoffendable. Be so focused on what you are doing and Who it is with that it barely even registers that someone has just tried to dishonor you or your work.
Let God handle what others think
When we let go of the need to be viewed a certain way, we make room for peace.
God will let the right people see what is meant to be seen at the right time. He can also let the rest fall away without having any real impact on what He is building in and through us.
That does not mean everyone will understand, celebrate, or be kind, but it does mean we do not have to build our identity around the interpretation of others.
We can remind ourselves who we are in Christ instead of trying to chase down every wrong opinion, every annoying assumption, or even every partly accurate criticism that still does not get the whole story right.
Other people may have opinions.
God has truth…and truth is the firm place to stand.
The work still needs to be done
Arks do not build themselves.
Someone with time, patience, obedience, and belief in the reason for building has to do that work.
Books do not write themselves either.
People who have lived, learned, imagined, wrestled, healed, grown, and paid attention are often the ones who write the stories someone else needs to read.
Jewelry does not make itself.
Songs do not sing themselves.
Lessons do not teach themselves.
Businesses do not build themselves.
Encouragement does not always reach people unless someone is willing to share it.
Creativity, skill, purpose, and obedience often require a person to show up and keep showing up.
Not everyone will understand why you are doing what you are doing. They might tell cute jokes about it. But someone may need what God placed in you.
Someone may be looking for the very story, skill, encouragement, resource, or example that you almost talked yourself out of offering because someone else mishandled it.
There is room for what God placed in you
Not everyone in the world is exactly alike.
We have each lived and experienced life in different ways. We each carry uniquely expressed characteristics, strengths, lessons, and gifts that are needed in the world.
That is why it matters for people to count themselves in.
Count yourself in when it comes to increasing your skills and using your talents. Count yourself in when it comes to learning, growing, creating, serving, speaking, building, writing, teaching, helping, or going wherever God is leading you to share what He has placed in you.
Other people’s labels are theirs to own.
You do not have to walk around wearing them, rehearsing them or believing them.
Remember that you truly are defined by the One Who designed you.
Reflection
Take a moment to consider:
What labels have other people tried to place on your choices, your gifts, your personality, or your motives?
Have any of those labels caused you to pause, shrink back, over-explain, or second-guess something God may be helping you do?
What would it look like to say “no” to that label and “yes” again to what God has placed in front of you?
Who does God say you are?
Prayer
Lord, help me recognize the difference between wise counsel and harmful labels. Teach me to receive correction with humility, but not to clothe myself in accusations, assumptions, or fear-based opinions that do not come from You.
Help me remember who I am in Christ. Help me use the gifts, skills, experiences, and opportunities You have placed in my life with wisdom, love, and courage. When others misunderstand me, remind me that You know the truth. When I feel tempted to prove myself, help me rest in Your approval. When I feel afraid to show up, help me take the next faithful step.
Let my life honor You. Let my motives be purified by You. Let my work be guided by You. May every false label fall away as I walk in the truth of who You say I am.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Closing Thoughts
You are not required to wear every label someone tries to attach to you.
You are not required to stop building, writing, creating, learning, serving, or growing just because someone else misunderstands your reason for doing it.
Let God search your heart.
Let wise counsel sharpen you.
Let love guide you.
But do not let fear, criticism, or mislabeling keep you from obeying God, developing your skills, or sharing what He has placed in you.
Other people’s labels are theirs to own.
Who does God say you are? ❤
