When Anxiety Says, “Here We Go Again”

Disclaimer: Nothing in this blog post is intended to be considered medical or mental health advice or treatment. It’s written from the perspective of the author’s lived experience and reflects personal views expressed with the intent to encourage and share hope.

Oh no. What now?

I had done it again. Instead of responding how I normally chose to, I had reacted in a way I had promised myself I would never put myself (or someone else) through again—as though I had never raised my tear-strained voice and declared, “This is the last time.”

In the moment, it felt as though this might be the time everything was ruined.

Why had I not listened to myself? I had good reasons not to repeat that behavior. I remembered how I had felt the last time, and believed that God cared and wanted to help me, yet I still tried to outrun the anxious energy and thoughts in ways that did not bring lasting peace.

To be completely transparent, this still happens to a certain extent, even years after originally writing this post in summer of 2020. Maybe not the crying or hyperventilating, or even the feelings or thoughts—but definitely the heaviness of knowing I have disappointed myself by responding from a fear-based perspective rather than one of faith and confidence, or have believed something that I now recognize was clearly wrong.

The beautiful thing is that God doesn’t flee when we make mistakes or feel like we’ve 100% blown it.

When Anxiety Took Over the Story

I used to cry…a lot…and struggle with anxiety quite often. Usually, it happened after I had spent too much time thinking about my life in ways that were rooted in a wrong belief about myself or God. I would receive difficult news, make a plan to deal with it, go on about my day…and then…without even having prayed first, quietly panic.

Later, I would find myself walking outside or lying in bed, crying over fears that were only loosely connected to the original news, just because I remembered all the hardships we went through as a family when similar news was delivered before. Or I had already gone through such a thing myself, and remembered how it went down.

Anxiety had built a road between the facts and the worst possible conclusion.

It’s happening again. What if this is it this time?

That single thought of dread could send me in a mental tailspin. I knew it shouldn’t. I had a history with God already proving there was no need to panic like this. That knowledge caused me great guilt and doubt.

Why can’t I be consistent in my faith? came to mind, for example.

At other times, I would learn about another difficult family situation—one that could bring new financial or emotional strain. Rather than pausing to breathe, regain my bearings, remember who God is, and pray, my thoughts would immediately begin:

Oh no. Here we go again. What if something truly terrible happens this time?

It often did, for the longest time in our lives, so the adage about how what we worry about never comes true proved to be false comfort for me. There were also seasons when confusing and destructive things happened around me, like destruction or theft of our belongings, and other things I won’t say because I don’t want to give new people old ideas or old people the glory. Glory belongs to God.

It wasn’t enough to know that I had done nothing to anyone that time, but that God’s people often are being distracted to ruin their effectiveness. One rumor started and spread here, another one there. One intimidation tactic here, another one there.

I knew it in my brain, but part of me still had not fully accepted that it was completely possible that all these things were happening because I did not want to sin, and wanted to lead others to Christ so they would not want to sin either!

So I would search through a mental inventory of every possible mistake going all the way back to childhood, opening one anxious tab after another until I overwhelmed myself with possible ways to make things up to someone who I had not even known I wronged.

Maybe if the ones who are mad at me or my family see me doing the right things, they will focus on their own life instead of mine, I thought. Surely God will help them to know…!

Somewhere along the way, I had begun to believe I needed to be good enough to persuade God to show me mercy, when mercy is part of God’s character. It is not something we inspire through perfection…or broken attempts at it. God is not like man.

There were also times when I believed I was developing the kind of friendships I had prayed for, only to discover that the relationships were not what I had hoped they would be. Someone had intended to backstab me all along. I saw the signs but still hoped I could somehow win them over. Or I just wasn’t their flavor of person (which is okay.)

Again, anxiety tried to explain the disappointment before I had taken time to process it with God.

Reactivity, Responsiveness, and Grace

It saddens me that I experienced so much of this without first turning to God and leaning on what I know about Him. There were moments when I demonstrated reactivity rather than responsiveness, and my unprocessed fear may have affected other people emotionally or spiritually…who had not even done anything to me.

Now I pause and pray more before I do anything.

Still, there are times when I react a little before I respond with prayer. When that happens, I practice giving myself grace—not permission to continue unhealthy behavior, but room to acknowledge it, learn from it, make amends when necessary, and begin again.

Learning to receive grace has also helped me extend more grace to others.

We do not always know why someone is behaving anxiously. They may believe they have made an irreversible mistake. They may be struggling with perfectionism, fear, shame, trauma, exhaustion, physical illness, or the consequences of a wrong choice. Sometimes they may simply need space to pause, regain self-control, and remember that one difficult moment does not have to determine what happens next.

This does not mean harmful behavior should be excused or ignored. It means we can address behavior without assuming we fully understand another person’s heart.

Anxiety Is Not Always Evidence of Wrongdoing

Anxiety does not always arise because someone has done something wrong. It can have many causes, including physical health conditions, trauma, chronic stress, grief, uncertainty, exhaustion, learned thought patterns, or changes in the brain and body.

However, anxiety can be intensified by the way we interpret failures, announcements, relationships, and everyday events.

The stories we tell ourselves matter.

There is no pretending before God. I cannot hide the times when I have allowed fear to pull my attention away from trusting Him. Yet God does not require me to recite every mistake repeatedly before I am allowed to walk in peace. He does not ask me to pretend I am okay when I am not.

An emotion can be acknowledged without being permitted to control every action that follows.

God desires restoration, wisdom, and right living—not a performance that hides what is unhealthy. He understands that anxiety may arise from many different factors in life on this side of heaven. He invites us to bring our thoughts, feelings, fears, and reactions into His presence.

His wisdom can become a healing balm over the places where fear has been speaking the loudest.

Recognizing Anxious Patterns

Do you struggle with anxiety?

You might gently ask yourself whether you sometimes:

• Lose your temper when something goes differently than expected and continue replaying the frustration for hours afterward.

• Ruminate on the what ifs, why did this happen, and what should I have done differently questions.

• Repeatedly analyze another person’s behavior without having enough information to know what it meant.

• Catastrophize or immediately assume the worst possible outcome will happen next.

• Avoid events, places, or people you genuinely want to engage with because you feel embarrassed about how you acted during an anxious moment.

This is not a diagnostic checklist. It is simply an invitation to reflect.

Anxiety can be a medical or mental-health concern. A licensed counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or physician can help you understand what you are experiencing. For some people, medication may also be one helpful part of treatment.

Receiving professional care is not evidence that your faith is weak.

There are other things we can do to help ourselves beyond recognizing the pattern.

Learning to Interrupt the Anxious Story

When we recognize an anxious pattern, we can begin learning how to interrupt it before it carries us further than we intended to go.

One helpful practice is grounding yourself in the present moment. Some people describe this as mindfulness. For Christians, it can also become an intentional pause in which we notice what is happening and bring our attention back to God, truth, and the present moment.

This may feel strange at first, especially if you are accustomed to moving quickly through your thoughts. But slowing down for a moment can help create space between a feeling and a reaction.

You might begin by asking:

Where am I right now?

Touch the desk, chair, book, or another object near you. Notice that you are here, in this present moment.

Breathe slowly.

What am I doing right now?

Perhaps you are preparing for a meeting, writing in a notebook, cooking dinner, or sitting in your bedroom.

Name the actual task in front of you.

What am I feeling right now?

You might say:

• I am feeling anxious.

• I have experienced this feeling before.

• This feeling is uncomfortable, but I do not have to let it write the rest of the story.

Notice the anxiety without becoming ashamed that it is there.

Then tell yourself a true story.

That part is important. False reassurance may offer temporary comfort, but it does not build trust. Instead, return to what you honestly know.

For example:

The meeting went reasonably well. I am capable of preparing for this presentation. I can ask for help if I need it.

Or:

I received difficult news, but I do not yet know the complete outcome. I can take the next recommended step rather than trying to solve the entire future tonight.

Or:

I reacted poorly, but I can apologize, learn from this moment, and choose a different response next time.

For a Christian, the true story may also include:

God is with me in this moment. I can bring this fear to Him without pretending I believe better about it than I already do. I do not have to understand everything before I take the next wise step.

Reflection

Are there any situations or moments that activate anxious thoughts for you?

What is the first frightening story your mind begins to tell? Do you tell yourself the truth about it right then?

If not, which parts of that story are facts, and which parts are fears, predictions, or assumptions?

What truthful statement could help you pause before reacting?

Is there an apology, boundary, professional resource, medical appointment, prayer, or practical next step that could support your well-being?

Prayer

Lord, You already know what I am thinking and feeling. I do not have to pretend in Your presence.

Help me recognize when fear is beginning to shape the story I tell myself. Teach me to pause, breathe, pray, and return to what is true.

Give me wisdom to take responsibility for my actions without becoming trapped in shame. Help me make amends where needed, receive appropriate support, and respond with greater patience and self-control.

Please comfort the places in me that feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or afraid of beginning again. Remind me that Your mercy is not earned through perfection.

Lead me in wisdom, truth, restoration, and peace.

Amen.

Closing Thoughts

Growth is a process.

There may still be moments when you do the very thing you said you would not do again. There may be times when anxiety rises and you do not want anyone—not even God—to know how frightened or overwhelmed you feel.

But you do not have to pretend before God.

He already knows how you think and feel. You can bring Him the fear, the tears, the mistakes, the questions, and the thoughts you are still learning how to manage. You can also seek wise help, practice healthier responses, and begin again.

One anxious moment does not have to become the whole story.

You do not have to pretend before God. He already knows how you think and feel, and you can bring all that is on your mind into His presence.