Just Start Over…Again

Disclaimer: Nothing in this blog post is intended to be considered medical or mental health advice or treatment. It’s written from the perspective of the author’s lived experience and reflects personal views expressed with the intent to encourage and share hope.

You really can just start over. Yes…you can!

I’ve been noticing over time that we may often get stuck or believe we are stuck when we really are not.

This intrigues me and lights up the problem-solver parts of my brain and heart. I know that people can do the things they set out to do against all odds, because I’ve done it, you’ve done it, and many who’ve gone before us have as well.

If we know we can succeed and that we want to succeed in those endeavors, then what is different about when we experience a false start or when we begin and then suspend continuing with a thing we truly want to do or maybe even something we need to do?

It’s often our mindset, beliefs about what we have learned or experienced, and our habits, though other things can factor in as well.

Almost anything I ever did well or made look easy to someone else was because, unbeknownst to them, I had spent thousands of hours on it in the past, and it’s the same with others who do things in a way we may find admirable or surprising.

Even during the one-off moments when we seemed to instantly grasp a concept and apply the knowledge swiftly, we often drew upon what we knew of other things in the past and connected that with what we were shown. In other words, getting something right the first time often does involve some level of prerequisite experience or wisdom.

So…just know it’s alright, normal, and expected NOT to get something right on the first try every single time. It’s also typically expected that we learn and become better at a thing the next time around, though.

For example, there was a place I worked decades ago where certain workers would go flip a breaker or unplug a certain set of machines to avoid doing work with it for the day. A smaller group of employees did their deeds sometime before the rest of us arrived, then one called the back office and said the machine was down, and the managers generally accepted it at face value (for a while).

I may not know the whole story. What I do know is it was frustrating to show up to work each day and one of those folks would say the machines were down, and then to face all that comes from it over the course of a day, week, or month.

At first, I thought the machines were truly down too, till there was a pattern of certain people smirking or joking about it. The group did not want me to troubleshoot for them, which was odd, because usually people relied on me for it–especially this group in the past.

The machines only went down in that way on certain days or when certain people worked. There was a set of managers on duty who only received the call one time, and they had been willing to walk to our area and check it out. They found the issue almost instantly, and it stopped happening when they were on duty, except one more time when they went to flip the breaker, but one of the employees went behind the machine and unplugged it. I came back from break and noticed it during a bit of light housekeeping, and quietly fixed the issue and delivered the good news.

So from then on, whenever I worked with this group, I started going to check the plug, go flip the breaker back on, find the missing piece, or otherwise help remedy whatever I could so that if we said we were down, it really was true we were impacted by something outside our own control.

All that is to say: when the activation doesn’t work as expected the first time…as long as there is no lock-out tag on it or a definite “no” from God, we can try again. Sometimes doing another thing. And then maybe another, and then another. Sometimes doing the same thing, but with a different level of attention, knowledge, or guidance. We might not be fighting a spiritual battle, but one against our own thinking and habits. Other times, we are doing something that others don’t want to be part of, like the group of employees and their shenanigans with the machines, but that doesn’t have to mean we acquiesce and accept that as the final word.

Give yourself compassion, and it will change how you think, hear, see, and feel while you learn

When I first wrote this blog post in late 2019 and shared it on Facebook, I received some feedback to take under consideration about my use of the phrase “just start over.” I get that it can feel intimidating or intensely authoritative to hear someone say “just…” plus “do this.”

My original intent with that phrase and the old workbook I shared was from a heart posture of someone who has literally had five minutes left to redo someone else’s mistake on a birthday cake or who has been partially paralyzed and needed to start over with an attempt to walk as close to normal as possible while the issue was healing. I have been down to the wire in lots of situations that were impacted by external factors–and internal–and found the only choice was to quit or keep going…

I tend to choose to keep going, and hope you will too.

So I do not say “just start over” lightly or with judgment. Nothing I say here is a command, demand, or slight. If you hear me speak on Facebook or in person, you likely know, but just in case.

I say “just start over” with love and confidence that we don’t have to give up or feel stuck as often as we sometimes might.

The way we think about our experiences can influence how we move forward or stay stuck. When we think compassionately, it gives room for us to believe in good opportunities and consider different options.

For example, picture craft ribbon sitting barely used on beautifully 3-D printed floral spools on a farmhouse-style shelf.

Not because the new crafter doesn’t have what it takes to make a ribbon wreath, or they don’t really want to anymore, but because they lost confidence in some aspect of the process or in a desired potential result.

Perhaps they discovered it’s difficult to bend wide, wired canvas ribbon into the beautiful shapes they originally planned, and it takes time to secure it in just the right way. So they think they won’t be able to make many of a certain wreath by the end of the hour, when maybe they need to consider just making one the very best way they can. Then tomorrow, try again to make two or three. Then another day, they might make many more.

Or maybe we waited a long time to start again, but that is no reason to be overly self-critical.

People often quit and tell themselves they might start another time again, not thinking about how some of the materials have expiration dates—even good ribbon becomes thin, ratty, tatty, or faint after a while. Wire wreath forms may rust and flake.

Every time you see the materials or books from a stopped project in your home or office, it also reminds you of your unfinished goals, and you might lose confidence. You might think to yourself, “I paid $248.77 for all this stuff from Hobby Lobby, and I gave up after two bad days.”

You’re not wrong to recall that, but how do you talk to yourself about it? Do you disrespect yourself? Do you rob yourself of belief by borrowing at a high level of interest in comparison of someone else’s page or business?

Speak life over your healthy ambitions. Speak truthfully and kindly, with real belief in what is possible for you to achieve. Speak life over other people’s dreams or goals. Be kind to yourself and have the same compassion you would give to other people. If we would not say to our sisters in Christ, “I don’t know why you wanted to start a business to support your family from home anyway,” or “I don’t know why you would go back to college/get in shape/learn a new skill when you have kids,” then why say it to ourselves?

We really can just start over.

Be faithful to follow through

The confidence we may gain from completing more projects—even in a failed state—is worth it. We learn so much in the process of creating, for example. Gardening, exercise–any activity that involves a routine with consistent habits can teach us a great deal about follow-through.

Positive learning or growth is paused, however, when we put down a project and let it gather dust in various stages of procrastinated beginnings.

Guilt and shame enter through the open doors of consternation and frustration.

Complaining doesn’t change the projects from incomplete to complete status, though. Nor does instilling higher levels of fear to motivate yourself. That’s demotivating.

So as we are trying to decide what to do with multiple incomplete projects, even projects that took a lot of time and effort, we might keep in mind if it’s helping us learn a skill or character trait we hope to increase. Is it teaching us how to uplift ourselves and others? Is it training us to be of service to others? If it is, it might be worth keeping for now.

There are many ways we can help ourselves be faithful to finish or fail forward by continuing to follow through rather than give up. Remember that each day, we get to choose how we will do life and to show up with courage.

When we showed up the first time, we already proved we could.

The next big step might be: be faithful to follow through.

What that looks like for each person is different, but may I suggest it looks like learning and doing. It may look like plans and strategies for larger projects, getting coaching and counseling if needed. Changing routines, dropping habits that hurt or hinder, and maintaining or supporting the ones that help us grow.

Being faithful to follow through also involves the rest of what goes on in our lives. Time with family, in prayer, getting to know friends or pray with them, volunteering, or whatever worthwhile things we want to do in our life…that we are called to do…as well as other things that may be of benefit or a blessing of service or gifts to others.

The way we continue with these things, or choose to build and sustain the habits connected with these things, is impacted by our beliefs about starting over or adapting when things become more difficult. Giving up might be an acceptable option at times when we recognize that we are not doing the right thing, or for other reasons, but quitting or leaving things unfinished can become a habit if we let it. There are some things we are called to do no matter how hard it is, and those things we can certainly ask God to help us with wisdom, discernment, joy, and anything else we need to faithfully follow through with love.

Reflection

Is there something for which you need to mentally write yourself a permission slip to do to the best of your ability? A counselor I know of literally keeps one on hand for whoever may want a visual reminder, and that might be one idea you could borrow. For example, it could say, “I give myself/[my name] permission to just start over again at building the habit of _____________.” One of my favorite ways of encouraging myself might help you too: you could study scripture and save some that remind you of the strength God gives us, and save it in your personal work area. Continuing to study the scriptures every day is a great habit to begin or just start over again, by the way. 😀 Over time…you become familiar with each one and then study again and find yourself understanding it more, or coming away with more awe of God.

We start to see that yes, there is no condemnation in Christ, but that there are expectations of who we are called to be, for example, and that sometimes we need correction and accountability before starting over again. Or we start to see that we need to be more courageous or some other thing that we have wanted to improve at for a while, and that we really can ask for wisdom to do these things in a way that is not coming simply from conventional wisdom or the words of others, but from God’s word.

Prayer

Thank you, God, for Your faithful correction and connection. We recognize that we need to love both things as we grow in appreciation of who You are and what we are created to do. Thank you for creating us to be able to enjoy personal endeavors as well as those solely intended to draw us into communion with You or to glorify You. May our personal endeavors also serve Your purposes, and be a light in the world. May we seek Your will in all that we do as we start or start over again in building new habits or working on our goals. May our goals and the fruit be Yours. In the name of Jesus, amen.

Closing Thoughts

I haven’t always believed that no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, however you have failed or come up short on anything in life, you can just start over, so I can understand how it might be difficult to envision if you might not believe it either. It took lots of consistent time with scriptures and parsing out in my personal time what is my own wish or hope, what is someone else’s ideas about me, and how does it line up with God’s word (the Bible). When I started over again years ago by rededicating myself to Christ, I also was breaking away from particular cycles that had run in my family or communities, and still am–so I personally know God is faithful to teach and course-correct, provide and love us when we are one of His people. Sometimes we will have to rely on what we know of God to help us through our daily lives–including staying consistent with habits we are establishing.

So often, we place limitations on ourselves, but also, when we begin to change how we think, others notice…and they might reveal some of the limitations they believe about themselves or the ones they want to place on you too. Take time to consider how being secure in your identity in Christ will be fortifying as you start over again.

If this blog post interested you or highlighted anything you found helpful, consider sharing it with someone else who might be encouraged. Come back and reread it whenever you want to consider the merits of just starting over, and give yourself (and others who might have misspoken about your process) the gifts of forgiveness and freedom to make new decisions as you choose.